NB: Sorry this is so damn late, after GCSEs and 3 weeks holiday in France I forgot about the Z-Apoc Guide, hopefully I’ll get back on track with the rest of the Guide soon.

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Ok, the next essential in the Zombie Apocalypse is shelter. Somewhere to live, somewhere to sleep, somewhere to fall back to if things get harsh.

In my opinion there are five really important things to think about when choosing your shelter:

1. Defences: Can zombies attack your shelter easily? Is it strategically easy to fend them off? Is your shelter a small wooden shack that can be torn apart by zombie claws, or a huge impenetrable brick stronghold? Consider defence over nearly anything else, it ought to be highest on your list of priorities.
2. Escape: Can you escape from your base if in the worst case scenario you are over-whelmed by zombies? Is your escape route a quick one? Does your escape route allow multiple people to escape at once? Is there more than one escape route? Considering your worst case scenario and trying to find the best way of overcoming it is a very useful step in choosing a shelter.
3. Space: Is there sufficient living space in your shelter? How many people can fit in it? Will there be room for each member of your group to carry out their allocated responsibility (eg. does the medic have enough room to create a clean and sterile environment around patients?)? Also, do you have room for stockpiling resources such as food, water, petrol etc.? You’re going to need space for back-up supplies should you be besieged and thus become stuck in your base.
4. Strategic Location: Have you made a shelter that is tactically sound? Bearing in mind you will have to fight zombies, have you made it easy or hard to do so? For example, build on a hill with steep slopes so that zombies have to climb slowly to reach it, by which time you can pick them off with ranged weapons; or build on an island on a lake or river, as it will be isolated from attacks until your assailants find a means of crossing to the island, and you may have space to deploy various traps as well.
5. Stationary or Moving?: This is a very important question, as it will determine many of your decisions in the rest of your survival. Both options have pros and cons. Stationary gives you the certainty of having somewhere to fall back to; it can hold large amounts of supplies and will use very little up in its maintenance; you can hold multiple people with little effort, useful if you see someone in trouble (although ruthlessness for your own survival must also be applied)

I am now making it completely and utterly clear that I apologise sincerely to anyone who is offended by the nature of my Zombie Apocalypse Guide, including, but not limited to, its apparent striking similarity to a guide published by a Mr Max Brooks.

This is all my or Ben Smith’s original work, apart from a few ideas from an article from “cracked.com” not pertaining specifically to zombies, and also a picture of a pick up truck I found on Google Images (other imagery search engines are available). I truly had no knowledge of said author prior to my decision to write my Guide, and thus I am truly extremely sorry if I seem in any way to be using ideas of a sensible and profoundly logical nature.

I would also invite Mr Max Brooks himself to write to me himself if he deems me, as his most truly humble servant, to be worthy of personal contact, instead of the complaint I received from an apparently unaffected but still very concerned fan.

I am happy to make any amendments necessary to this disclaimer, if anybody else feels obliged to point out pedantic and silly coincidences.

Thank you and Regards,

simonsaystheword

When you are facing the zombie apocalypse, it is best not to face it alone. Companions are the base of survival in such situations. Thus it is important to understand what kinds of person one would need, so that each person is of use, and will not impede the group.

Thus here are 6 general rules for compiling a good group for survival.

1. The group ought to be about 7-12 people. Any fewer and you are in danger of being over-whelmed. Any more, and there will be greater chances of casualties, which will further impede you. Also large groups will create differing opinions, making everyone less likely to work together, and there is more chance of your group splitting up, inevitably taking crucial members away with them.

2. Everyone must be physically fit, so, able to run long distances at a good pace, or short distances at speed. They must be able to do some basic lifting and have basic decent hand-eye coordination in order to both escape and help the group in physical tasks such as building, or carrying resources.

3. The group must have:

• Fighters: At least three profficient fighters would be good. For example, one person who knows how to use a rifle or similar fire-arm, and two close-combat fighters (with either knowledge of a martial art, or just general fighting experience) to protect the group in an emergency. To be honest, as many people should be able to fight as possible, to increase the likelihood of everyone surviving, and to reduce the stress on the fighters of being relied upon heavily.
• Athletes: Again, as many as possible, providing they are good at other jobs. Athletes may be good at scouting (eg fast runners) or heavy lifting (such as weight lifters or wrestlers), or good at swimming (potentially a very useful skill) to name just three options. They will prove useful in an infinite number of ways and situations.
• Handymen (or women). These people are good at maybe carpentry, electrics, even masonry. If you have a handyman who is good enough, nearly any broken object can be fixed or appropriately replaced. Handymen may also be good drivers, which is a bonus when using vehicles
• Strategists: People who are tactically sound or are generally clever and with good logic and common sense. These are the people who will tell you to not camp at the bottom of a V-shaped valley, or will set up parameters and map locations as good, bad, etc. You need at least one of these, as you can hardly survive long without them. They may also be useful during attacks, as they will be able to tell you the best strategy according to your location, in order for you to more easily survive to see another day. Personally I would be a Strategist, or at least that would be one of my functions.
• Medics: Another crucial part of your team. If you get hurt, this person can fix you, if you are poisoned (be it by plant, food, insect) this person will probably know some sort of remedy or antidote. Remember, dying is bad. Survival is good. Your medic will almost certainly be the reason for your long-term survival. I would also be a medic, assuming the apocalypse is after my university tuition. As it is, my basic knowledge of medicine would also help, but not as much as i potentially could.
• Farmers: People who can grow or forage for food and find and extract resources. Farmers are generally also very gutsy, strong and athletic, making them ideal as extra Athletes, Handymen and Fighters.
• Optionally, depending on your plan, Drivers: People who know how to drive are crucial to a nomadic-style existence. However, two drivers will be needed per vehicle, in order for the two to have shifts and not get tired out. Drivers may also function as Handymen.

4. The group must all have similar mindsets/ideas. This will avoid conflicting opinions, and thus avoid the group breaking up, at nobody’s benefit. However that is not to say there oughtn’t to be minor disputes, as these will help to smooth out any bad plans or decisions that the group makes.

5. Groups should discuss decisions with everyone, and vote democratically on ideas. However, if there are certain things that only a single person specialises in, then the group may wish to just let them make the decision using their expertise.

6. Groups should be gender-balanced. A group of testostorone-fueled males will gradually make conflicts with each other and are less likely to make rational decisions. However, a group of only women makes for a poor attack and defence, and so will be wiped out quickly as they can’t protect themselves as easily (it sounds sexist, but girls are generally “girly” and averse to fighting, even in a zombie scenario). A mixed gender group means that both sides are balanced, making rational decisions whilst also defending themselves well. As well as this, if the apocalypse is large and long-term, mixed gender groups may indeed be a way of repopulating Earth.

By following these guidelines, you should make for an excellent group for surviving the zombie apocalypse!

So, with the inevitable zombie apocalypse rolling towards us on the horizon from an indefinite distance at an indefinite speed, I decided to research possible survival techniques for the future. 

As such, I am posting in separate posts my guide on how to survive the Apocalypse. 

With many thanks to a certain Ben Smith for going over the plan with me and giving me innumerable ideas.